I wasn’t looking forward to it but once it started it felt great to be back at school this week. At first it was a little like being in the Banksy Caravan Simulator – familiar but disorientating. But as the days grew I got that ‘leader’ energy back. I began to realise I had not forgotten how to BE the head. In fact I began to realise it felt REALLY good being back. I felt very tired but I also felt something else, something unfamiliar… I felt HAPPY.
I want to reflect on this.
Last year I had the hardest year of my career. School dragged me to places I had never been and never want to go again. Some of the issues are so raw and difficult that it is still far too early to blog about them. I faced despair, death and disillusionment in quantities that seemed almost freakish. I think part of my fresh, positive outlook is in the fact that NEW SCHOOL YEARS bring HOPE. They are set up as clear new beginnings. They open the doors to the blue prints of promise. The new school year looks back and says, “I don’t want that to happen like that again! We can do it better!”
But, the truth is… much of it will happen just like it did last year.
That could seem depressing. It could seem to break my promise that I was up for a month of writing POSITIVE blogs. My point is – yes depressing and difficult stuff will almost certainly be hidden away in the coming school year. The difference is ‘we’ are all a year older and wiser to them. I sometimes look back at my old leader self- the one who seemed to be fearless and full of the energy of a new born star. Nothing was a barrier; nothing needed me to think for more than a micro second before I sprung in to action to ‘sort it’. This leader self was a dangerous man – Tigger-Like… I had my uses but I was not a leader, I was a maverick full of my own self-importance. I was not a leader of people, as much as I wished (and thought) I was. I now see that years of experience has bought me patience and an ability to start again. This yearly reincarnation of my hope for the role I do is something I had never really dwelt on before. It is powerful, it is uplifting… I hope it lasts longer than a week!